Je ne parle pas francis.

I fully plan on buying a France Tourist Dictionary and reading from it everyday. I WILL learn the language fully so it won`t be so broken anymore!


Also, Kevin Devine tomorrow night! I am nerding out to some gorgeous music.

I am an art lover and a society hater....

I am a list maker but I love spontaneous actions and trips into my city for photography, galleries, and music.


I am incredibly tired of my drawer's block. It breaks me down and makes me feel useless. I don't quite understand my lack of inspiration. I am thinking of traveling into Toronto to be inspired once again. I have not been there in a while and I feel like that city sparks everything good in me. Hopefully it is true.

And yes the first line and the title had nothing to do with anything else in this post.

PS I got new books to tie me over.

Friendship Terminated?

Fine. Whatever. I don't have the energy to care anymore, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. So what are you doing?


I know I wished to not be with them anymore, but this is more difficult than I had thought.

Hello September. I will be ready.

I am getting back into the groove of things. I dropped my artist ways when I got into OCAD but its now back after a month of rest. I am doing rough drafts of my fox painting. (Yes, the same fox that is slowly becoming a staple in my art.) Also, I am practicing my charcoal and paints mixing. I am also trying to finish my illustration/watercolour project. But I have a feeling it would look better in just watercolours. Urg.

I have my summer skin already! I am rather a peachy pale instead of a snow white pale. In need of work, but hopefully this will change! Cross your fingers and wish me luck.

Put me out?

I am having a problem. A rather large problem.

I HAVE NO MOTIVATION TO DRAW!!
What is wrong with me? This is not a normal state of mind for me.
I just want to scream and have my hands+mind working again.

URRGRGGGggggGGGGGGgggggGGG.
Also, it is almost summer in Toronto. I am showing some summer skin and dancing in the sunlight.




I am reading this lovely book still. I have not had too much time with it but its hilarious and I insist everyone give it a good go. Plus it is a $37 book for $5 at chapters.
I love sales.

"You Hipster fuck"

EXCUSE YOU?!?!!?

I am sorry, you have me confused with another person

Alright, not the smoothest thing I have ever done. I broke with an amazing guy because I felt guilty. He was a rebound, I know it and he knows it. He is okay with it, but the fact that he told me that he really hopes we can get back together at some point kills me. Only because I can never promise anyone that and I definitely don't want to lie to him. I think the transition from boyfriend/girlfriend to just friends is a bit awkward and unstable but its getting there pretty fast. He is just too much fun to lose as a friend.

On another note, my Paris and/or England fund has started...I have $100 so far.

Wish me luck, mon aime!

Knock knock, woah.

You know what I love? Being in comfortable clothes and enjoying my home time. I have never been the type to get dressed up if I am not going out. So why THE HELL do people think I dress up when I am home.

Sorry, but I won't greet you at the door in a fancy dress.

People Freak me out

I was told today how "pretty" I am becoming. What the fuck is wrong with people? Do not come up to me and tell me that shit. We have not talked in years. What the heck?! I would like you to know that your opinions are not valid. Gtfo.

In other news, I got into OCAD. Wooooo. Its quite an accomplishment considering I spent so much time trying to get in and stressing on what may happen if I do not.

I also have dark brown/black hair now. Its a change from my blond and red hair I had before. Oh well, I like it.

Art to be posted when I have my webcam again. Also...I need to go on a shopping spree type thing. Anyone want to join me?

I have a folder of 20 videos dedicated to Chuck Palahniuk and even more towards other authors. I am an intellectual badass.

The Moral This Time:

I kinda feel sick. I don't exactly know whats wrong but I just feel all wrong. And no this is not me saying I am sad. I literally feel like everything in body is working wrong at the moment. My ribs are killing me, my head was hurting, and my nose kept running off and on all day. THIS IS NOT A MARATHON, NOSE !

I don't approve of my current situation. I also do not approve of being underage and at home on St. Patrick's day. This is only because all my friends are at least a year older than me which leads to me being left out of drinking fun. Its not even the drinking, its the fact that I can't be included. As much as sometimes I would rather be home, I would also rather go out and have fun. This weekend there are two parties that are happening so its okay, but still....

I guess I just don't know where I belong, so I want to stay where I feel safe.
The harsh truth though is that I will leave one day to find my place. I don't know when, but I know I will. Because in my mind I do not belong and I know I will want that feeling to change. Maybe I will be proven wrong and realize my place was here all along, and I had to be seen how wrong everything else before I realized how right everything is here. I am only 18 and should not be this critical how the world and myself. But this past month and a half has been horrible. I have wanted to kill my ex because he is rude to me all the time. I don't even want to him back or anything, I just want my friendship back. We supposedly ended well....so what is going on?

Also my family drama is ridiculous, waking up at 7am to yelling is not how life should be. Newsflash: mother and father I can hear you argue at night when I am on laptop awake in my room.

Ohwell, I am a strong believer in life working out for everyone in the end. One way or another. So what ever happens, happens.

Peace out.

I love Lillies

The things I never need to hear ever again

Dear Me,

I thought we had gone through this a thousand times. I thought everyone had said this to you a thousand times. I thought you told yourself you were fine a thousand times. So why are you like this? I refuse to believe you are this weak, or this fragile. What ever happened to "fuck them, life moves on" ?

A part of me never wants to see him, or them really ever again. Because if I stay around, all this will continue to happen. I have never stuck around the group, so why this one? I have never made an effort to because I do not want to remember. So what makes them so special? They are selfish as selfish comes. They break hearts. They hurt to be around. They do not make me feel like me. Yet I stay. Maybe I am a masochist. I doubt that. But clearly I am crazy.


I need my time but I can't bare to be away from the people I like to talk to.

Love,
Me.

"Hello, I come into this store everyday. Every time I go to open the door, I am afraid you will look at me funny."

SO, got to go to curry's and pick up a bunch of black fine line marker.

No big.

Only that I go into this store everyday. Is that weird or is that weird ? No need to tell me the answer.

I love my ink drawings.

My room is...

...a big mess.

This is only a corner. Oh noes !

What Is a girl to do when you can't get through?!

Well, I have 16 days till dooms day. Urg

( dooms day= evaluations)

I have OCAD and York done, Sheridan a few left. HOWEVER, I got accepted to Sheridan already. Who owns? I do. hahaha. I am kinda hopeful now, got accepted to one...It is possible to get in the others too...right?

Time for focus....as I sit here watching a movie and drinking coffee.

Focus is hard when too much is going on.

I thought all my boy problems were suppose to stop...

Guess I was wrong, huh?

Sherri Dupree + Max Bemis?

So besides that I love these two individuals separately because of their amazing music. They happen to also by the cutest couple I have ever seen.

Also, Mrs. Sherri, you need to stop tempting me to dye my hair back to black. Stop it !!

Skinny love just last the year

We do not have sun. But it is bright here in Toronto.

Just my cup of tea

Just....

Come Together

Well it seems like I am done High School...Next step?

I cannot wait. C:

For Rent

"Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they're honest about everything."

" I am not what I am, I am what I make with my hands"

Dear Sheridan,
I think you have thoroughly thanked me. I feel the "thank you."

I would appreciate the thanking to not continue, however feel free to send me an acceptance letter next.

Love,
Amanda.

...hahhaha.
It is college/unversity times !!! I have heard back from all my schools, now I am just waiting for my evaluations. Weeewooo.


This is how I look when I am concentrating on my work. Yummy.




New Piece.
Remember kids: Wash your hands before dinner.

It is just one of those days

Sundays are not my best day, I really don't think it is anyones. I have a headache and I don't know why. Maybe the weather ? Or maybe it is the fact that I am really bored?

I am not sure. But I kinda want to go for a walk..however, I do not ever want to go alone.

Better news though!


Last night was the Into Oblivion show ! I took some photos, but most of all had a lot of fun. It was nice seeing everyone. I got home super late though, and I did not want to deal with that. Plus I had a bunch of drunk texts and two phone calls. Not that I mind but I thought my stomach was going explode, so I kinda had my mind on something else.

A week and a half before I am done with school for 7 months !!!

I think pretty things

Excuse me, how do you say **** in french?

Hello lovely, lovely you.


To start off, I have 17 projects for portfolio, pretty sure I know which two can be kicked out. haha.
And I am quite done talking about school. I have been so stressed out with it only to receive my marks today and be like..why do I worry so much?

Today was a rather boring day. Nothing to exciting other than the fact that I might kill most the people at school. Just. Saying. haha

Tomorrow I have we came as romans. Its going to be so awesome ! I miss shows. I must go to more. Maybe that could be my new year's resolution? That and the obvious. I just want to be happy. I don't like settling, so no way would I ever settle for content. haha.

But yeah, I went to a few last year. However there was so much more I wanted to go to. And now that I have the time, it couldn't be that hard...right ? Hopefully not. And in October I turn 19 !!! Completely stoked. And I realize its months away, but it may be just too exciting.

My life. Oh my life.

This is the type of stuff I do for my friends

Helped SB and TB with their photography work today. This would be the outcome.

These photos all belong to Miss Skylar. <3

Process

“How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you’re carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life, you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV. The backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home, I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office, and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks.”

Up in the Air

Just conditioning

Its been a while since I have written something with a bit of substance. A lot of my posts recently just dance around topics and do not go into detail about anything really.

Terribly sorry for shutting you out of my mind.

It seems that I have forgotten all my dairies. My written one has not been touched since JC saw it. Its in a box now. I really do not care to ever read it again. This one is still going......but its heart line worries me so. I really want to come back and read this, to see myself and not be like "so what happened here and why did i just post pictures?"

I think I may be too violent. Its fun but I kinda forget my own abilities. Although you cannot blame me. I feel like me. I have no worries anymore, I just have me and my life. The thing is I do not have one worry. Well besides university but I hardly care.
SO
ANYWAYS
when I feel like me......I get happy and I have a lot of energy. No more migraines either. Bonus!
I feel bad to think this but I am pretty sure I feel better because of my break up. I mean...I felt bad about it and it made me really sad. But I guess the time to be me and not worry about a relationship is good for me.

Although I must admit to myself.
I am completely going to be fucked over by my heart.

cause I have my secrets.
And one of them hurts.

Hello, have we met before?

There is finally enough snow so I can stop my complaining. I am watching it fall, its so peaceful and beautiful. I made some hot chocolate for myself and I have my old book. But reading just didn't feel right. So I sketched a bit, hope you don't mind my change in plans.



I hope you don't mind the changes in me.

I am late for an Important date !

Oh jeez, I missed a terribly important post !


Happy [LATE..VERY LATE] New Years !!!


After all my tears, and smiles. It was a decent one.

I have no resolution to share, terribly sorry.

But I love my world. c:

New Planet in my Solar System

My friends know me way too well...


And thats how I like it.

<3

Bacon, Oh my!

I want these pigs. c: